I know, I know. It’s a rather clickbait headline, but wait! Don’t close that tab. Read on. If you’re in the wedding industry then you’ll definitely want to take a look at this post. It could just change your business for the better.

Firstly, I’m going to caveat this blog from the outset. I am by no means an expert. Like most of us, I’m still learning, I’m trying my best and my inbox is always open for feedback. Couples, if I can do better, or have missed something on my website or social media then please, please get in touch. I am all ears.

I’ve been blathering on and I’ve still not talked about how wedding suppliers are alienating couples. Although you might’ve guessed by now. I’m talking about the widespread use of outdated, gendered wedding terms and traditional expectations.

Are we speaking your language?

Within the wedding industry we talk a lot (and I mean, a lot) about being more inclusive.

The problem is, so many of us are talking but not putting anything into practice.

Let’s take the two most important people on a wedding day. The couple. A lot of businesses - venues and suppliers alike - still hold the outdated assumption that a couple = a bride and a groom.

The language used throughout the industry is heavily gendered and hetronormative. Why are we still so focussed on a man and woman couple? Websites, social media, contracts, forms, brochures…so many of them refer to a bride and a groom. Come on. We’re in 2023. Not every wedding has a bride, not every wedding has a groom. We need to think more about this. Be aware and be open in the language we use.

Another example, our contracts. I see a lot of these in my role as a wedding planner and, I’d say, the vast majority have space for the names of the ‘bride’ and the ‘groom’. No. No, no, no. What if there isn’t a bride in your couple? What if there are two brides? What if one or both of the couple are non-binary?

There are so many other ways you can word this. Ways that are inclusive and don’t assume anything about the couple. Just a few examples are:

Partner 1 / Partner 2

The couple’s full names

Soon to be weds

Wed to be’s…

There are so many other assumptions that we make too, and those assumptions appear on our websites, in the captions we write on social media and in our brochures. Think about the wedding party. It’s ingrained in us to think of bridesmaids and groomsmen. A best man. A maid of honour. A chief bridesmaid.

We live in a really diverse, weird and wonderful world - shout out to all my fellow weirdos! You might be a woman, or a man, but your best friend might be non-binary. So, if and when there is a bride it doesn’t mean that their wedding party is going to be made up of all woman.

In fact, let’s just stop talking about a bridal party full stop. Use terms like wedding party or the “I Do Crew”. Why not mention a “Mate of Honour”? Or a “Best Person”?

I encourage you all to go and look at your copy and make changes. I do this regularly and still find myself coming up with new and better ways to include everyone.

A quick tip, pop your own pronouns in your email signature. I sign off my emails with “Cat. Pronouns: she/her/hers.” I find that quickly puts couples at ease and they let me know their pronouns when we’re emailing or in any of my forms that they fill out. It’s not a question that has to be asked outright and I’m already projecting a welcome and inclusive vibe straight away.

A picture is worth a thousand words..

It really is. And so, now we’ve briefly touched upon the words we use, let’s talk images.

All the images you put out there are a reflection of your business. Take a look at your website and your social media feed. Do all those photographs feature a bride and a groom? If so, then chances are you’re not going to attract other kinds of couples.

I appreciate that it’s tricky, there isn’t always the opportunity to experience different types of couples. So in that case let’s go back to the words that you use. How can you make your business be more inclusive and welcoming to all couples?

Venues, up your game!

Yes, I’m calling you out here. As well as the points I’ve made above there are extra things that venues in particular need to think about.

Let’s start at the beginning. Morning preparations. What do you call the space you provide for getting ready? Because I know a load of venues who still refer to the bridal suite.

That brings us right back to the assumption that there’s going to be one bride. Who needs a nice, fancy, special space for her and her bridesmaids to get ready in.

But what if there are two brides? Or no brides at all? Are the other ‘getting ready’ rooms within the venue just as lovely? Will both of the couple feel pampered and special? I’ve noticed a real trend for a very “laddy” groom room too. Complete with table football, whiskey, arcade games and all manner of “man toys”.

Let’s get away from these outdated stereotypes!

A few final thoughts…

Old fashioned assumptions. Ahh yes. We’ve all experienced those, right? Mr and Mrs. The idea that a woman will give up her name and take on her husband’s name.

If the couple haven’t made anything clear to you then just ask! How would they like to be referred to on their day? And if you haven’t asked then please don’t just assume. Simply call them by their names. Or refer to ‘the happy couple’. It’s all relatively straightforward, it just requires a little bit more thought.

And speaking of old fashioned traditions. Let’s not assume any of those are going to happen. A bride might not want to be ‘given away’ by her father. She might not even want to walk down the aisle with her father. The men might not be the only ones doing all the speeches. Maybe the groom doesn’t like public speaking, maybe there isn’t a groom, maybe there are two grooms but a “best woman”. Who knows! What I do know though is that there are some really outdated, patriarchal ideas that we shouldn’t take as read will happen at a wedding anymore.

Now, I’m not saying these traditions are wrong. Some, or all, of them might mean a lot to a couple and if they want to embrace them then absolutely. Go for it! As an industry though we need to stop all of these assumptions. Not just in the context of a couple being a bride and groom but let’s not assume anything about family situations either. There are so many different family set ups these days and rather than shy away from them we need to embrace them.

I’m going to end this as I started… I don’t know it all. I don’t have all the answers and I’m certainly not getting everything right. If I’ve overlooked anything at all, or if I need to make changes then get in touch and let me know. I’m always up for learning and I’m always up for embracing changes. We all should be. The wedding industry is an amazing, diverse, colourful community that I love being part of. Let’s not ruin it by holding tightly onto those old fashioned assumptions and traditional ideas.

How to Alienate Couples and Lose Business

Are we speaking your language?

A picture is worth a thousand words..

Venues, up your game!

A few final thoughts…